Overwhelmed

So, I don't really know what it is that I want to say with this entry, except that I am overwhelmed. I did my first public shoot since coming out this morning and the support I felt was overwhelming. The people that showed up just to see me or to tell me thank you, I can't really express what that means. Anyone who know me knows that I don't cry, but I am damn close right now.

Just the face that so many women are okay with being themselves and doing what they do, it makes me feel like things really are changing. I don't know if it's got anything to do with me, but if it does...I feel so blessed.

As I said before, my father is still quite uncomfortable with the idea, so out of respect for him I'm not going to do anything any bigger than what I'm doing here, but maybe just this is doing some good.

The person's reaction I'm really worried about is my sister's. She hasn't spoken to me since I came out. I don't know why she is angry at me. If anyone should have figured it out beforehand, it's her. I mean, while I didn't introduce them as such, she's met all my girlfriends and even gotten to be friends with some of them. That she seems to be turning her back on me troubles me a lot. I hope she comes back to her senses.

Yours always, BisaBaby

A Lesbian of Independant Means

So, I've gotten a lot of feedback from people on my first blog entry, but I think maybe I should illuminate some things.

1) Just because I'm a lesbian does not mean I am currently or continuously having sex with another woman. Just because you are straight does not mean you are currently having sex with a person of the opposite sex.

2) Just because I have come out as a lesbian does not mean I no longer have an interest in fashion. Lesbians can be fashionable too, contrary to popular superstition. In fact, I would argue that being a lesbian I have a doubly vested interest in fashion, because I am not only interested in clothes that make me look good, but also clothes that I think are sexually attractive. One could argue that I have an inside lane on the issue, because I don't have to ask what looks sexy on a woman.

3) I am not, in particular, angry. Being told that the "type" of person you are is always angry would be bound to make anyone less than civil. I would submit that most lesbians are not by nature any more angry then straight women, but that the perception that they are in fact so might make them angrier. I am as genial and well-natured a person as I ever was (which some may argue is not at all, but fuck them anyhow).

4) I don't hate men. I actually quite like men, I find them very relateable. They like several of the same things I do, myself included. Nor am I altogether opposed to the idea of having sex with a man. I've done it before and I refuse to be so sober as to rule out the future possibility of such occurring. Many men have traits that I actually find quite attractive, like strong will and frank honesty. That said, my preference is for women.

5) There's been this odd question asked repeatedly of me. That question is: why? Why am I gay? Why do I find women sexually attractive? No doubt some of you are reading this and thinking , "That's not an odd question." You would however find it quite hard to say why you are attracted to the opposite sex rather than to your own. Most of you would probably say something about that being the way it is supposed to be or the way it ought to be. Well, that's good and well, but that's not the way it is with me. I like women because when I look at them, when I talk to them, and yes when I got to bed with them, it just feels right. Things click that never clicked my whole life until I was with a woman. When straight people declare they are in love with a particular person, they say that they just know that that person is "the one". Well, I haven't had that particular feeling yet, but I feel something I imagine is very akin to that. When I have the full plump lips of a beautiful black woman pushed to mine it's as if everything in me is saying "getting warmer".

6) What do I look for in a woman? I think the number one answer to that is honesty. I want a woman who is honest with both herself and with me. I don't mean that as just what she says, but who and how she is in her daily life. I like, I have always liked, people who are confident, people who are strong both mentally and physically, and people who have interesting stories. How would I describe my ideal mate? She would have to have killer fashion sense, long strong legs and arms (I like to be held, what can I say?), a decent but easy to understand sense of humor, and the sort of life stories that captivate my attention late at night as we stare up at the ceiling, just being together.

Okay, so that was extra long and kind of involved, but I felt like after my first post people just didn't fully comprehend what I had meant. Hopefully now I'm a bit better understood. Maybe my *ahem* Princess Charming will read this and get back to me. I won't get my hopes up.

Love, BisaBaby

Is this Bisa Randall's Blog?

What's that you ask, is this the blog of Bisa Randall? I heard she already had a blog and had been telling all about her fabulous life online for some time now. Untrue, I'm afraid. This is, in fact, the first of what I can only assume will be an ongoing series of posts by your heroine.

So, Bisa, since you have never had a blog before, why start one now?

Funny you should ask, because that is in fact the subject of this post. I have been a model and I would like to flatter myself into thinking a public figure of some importance for a few years now. Originally, I was famous for being the daughter of the notorious Senator Randall who was kidnapped during the war. Since then, I have gained some notoriety (or perhaps it is more accurate to say infamy) through my own exploits. Not the least of these include gracing the stage bare-assed during a very important fashion show. Recently, however, my little sister brought to my attention the fact that there were a number of rumours floating around about me, not the least of which is that I prefer women over men.

Now, as I'm sure anyone reading this knows, the very idea of my homosexuality is ludicrous. I have been seen adorning the arm of the fairest and finest of men all over the country. My love life is the constant speculation of masses of adoring fans. That does not make it any less true.

I am saying, here and now, to anyone who cares to read this blog that I am a lesbian. Oh, that feels much better. I have been one for a few years now and have been asked both by my father and the fashion powers that be that I should keep it under wraps. No more, I'm afraid. I imagine if my sexuality is that big of a deal to one side or another, then this post will either blow up the internet or disappear without a trace. However, in whatever short amount of time, I may be able to positively affect some young girl's life and that would be worth it all.

There will be no public announcement, no special bulletins, and no interviews. As we all know, homosexuality is strongly discouraged in our current culture, especially considering we are still more or less at war. I do not wish to become a battle flag for any cause, but I would like to let anyone out there who has struggled the way I have know that there is nothing wrong with them and that their day will come. Take heart and come back here if you need any words of advice.

Your Bisa Baby